It has been awhile since I’ve been on here. It’s not because I haven’t had anything to write about but rather I’ve had to much to write about and frankly felt to overwhelmed to write. What you would have been reading was a mixed up mess of emotions. So I’ve decided that my writings won’t be in any particular order. What I feel, learned, observed, accomplished, etc.. is what I will write about.
Today what has been on my heart is a feeling that as a parent isn’t new. I’ve felt it before but I still don’t know exactly what to do with it. It’s not even one feeling, its a couple feelings all wrapped into one feeling that leaves me in a state of apprehension, confusion, and a bit of sadness.
I know the source of these feelings, however I’m not going to get into detail about that part. What I have recognized about my feelings is that they stem from my own goal setting for my kids, my own picture of their path that they should take, and frankly maybe even a little bit of pride? It’s a hard thing to accept that these humans are individuals not extensions of us. God in his grace gave us a gift in giving us our kids but ultimately they belong to Him, which is a topic for a whole other time. These humans will make amazing decisions and they will make decisions that cause us to scratch our heads, so did we and so do we.
As a parent though it’s so hard to watch them make decisions that we can’t understand, we know what they’re capable of after all. But in the end we have to let them continue on and watch them fall, pick themselves back up and learn! This is where I’m having a hard time. I want to tell them what they should do, how they should do it, and even help them do it. I even on occasion have been known to even attempt this, only to have my husband gently remind me that they are young men and at some point have to spread their wings and do things on their own, successful or not.
I’ve also learned on this journey to really pray and put my kids in his hands and let him go to work on their hearts and in their lives. I have no doubt that he will answer in his perfect time and in his perfect will. In the meantime I will keep praying that He makes me the kind of mom I’m supposed to be and that my boys realize how much I love them and that no matter what, their dad and I will always be there for them.
Raw from the Heart 